All I want / is to be the river though I return

I have a new job, and for the second time in two days, I have a migraine. I haven’t had one in a while (a migraine, not a job) and I had forgotten that you cannot, in fact, power through it.

On the day the new job became public, I had gotten off a plane and had just arrived at the home of a friend and former colleague. We had lunch and a celebratory glass of rosé and we talked about misinformation and voter suppression and the challenges and opportunities of not being part of the default while my phone quietly vibrated.

In as much as I have mostly come to terms with being perceived as a public-ish figure, I have never quite reconciled that with my deep aversion to spotlights. But what I have long come to appreciate is that sometimes the only thing better than solitude is sharing a quiet set of lovely moments with someone you respect and care about to the soundtrack of tinkling wind chimes.

I am fairly certain I have this migraine because I am exhausted from a couple weeks of fairly punishing travel and the low-grade, constant stress of attempting to fit your life into boxes while you question that choices represented by the contents of those boxes. And because I have not been drinking enough water.